listening to the simple things

a man, stares blankly in to the abyss of a mirror wondering.
The man thinks about his life while he stares, people walk by not noticing at all wondering by,
but they dont realize that he lives for nothing.
one celebrity overdoses on pills the world knows but what that man has been through,
 the world will never know. that man could have seen his son die or just found out that his wife cheated on him. we will never know.
but the things that, that man has done for other people is what makes him so great.
but no one will ever know, since he sits there with the emotionless face,
would you just walk by or would you ask how are you
People always walk by not knowing that that man is a masterpiece.

here is a story
There was a lone violenist playing a beautiful masterpiece by Bach, people walk by not stopping at all, except for two little kids trying to stop as the parents drag them to the bus outside.
what people didnt know was that lone violinist just sold out a ampetheatre the night before, and only a couple people stopped just to listen for that small moment of time.

What happened to the day where we enjoyed the sounds of the city or the country. i moved from somewhat a country city to a somewhat populated city. and there is just sometimes where i just listened to the wind the birds, but now i am rushing everywhere i go. people these days dont appreciate life. I had a friend on our team crying because she didnt throw a ball, I saw that and just said, "Smile you woke up today." and that quote will stay with me all the time.

smile you woke up today. so live life to the fullest having no regrets

for all those who want to quit

you know life isnt always great, some days i think to my self
"days like this is the reason why i should be dead."
But then i realize, "that is what they want you to do, Doubt yourself"

see every thing happens for a reason
but some times those moments are the reason why you doubt your self
All the bad things that you hold onto is the reason why you aren't getting to the level you want

People say You need to forget the past, but some times its not that easy.
the things in my past haunts me every day, maybe i should have done this, maybe i should have quit a long time ago, why do the things i am doing now?
that last question is the reason why people fail.

The first and last time i asked Why am i doing this?
i left the sport i have worked my whole life for.

now this isn't about my past
this is about something that has bothered about this new school

People are mad with themselves because they aren't starting or are not performing to their expectations
when people start going down the road of depression, i just want to screem
"ITS OK JUST KEEP CALM AND FORGET ABOUT THE PAST"
Because If you live in the past you WILL not be anybody, as soon as you forget the past no matter how good or bad you are, you will be nothing.

as soon as you forget the past and start preparing for the future
and have the drive to succeed you will be great,
but that's not it, you have to have the need to get better to prove you and the people from the past that said you cant that they were wrong.
because there will always be someone better than you, and if you think that there is absolutly no one your wrong because there is always one person.
YOU
The only person that is stopping you is yourself.

Today i will be a better man

my greatest fear to the test

for me to say what i have in mind of the future, i cant say anything. just because i have the fear that keeps me from doing many things. the fear inside of me hurts most when im around people. my biggest fear isnt so big but its just something that.
the thing i fear most is letting everyone down. i always feel like no matter what i do i feel like im letting my parents down. and the past with me getting cut just seeing my dads face when he got home its just devastating. and now more than ever i have a chance for bowling for a school and it still feels like i will let the whole team down mostly the coach for when i go and just lose everything that i learned in the past. another thing about leaving for this school is that im leaving all of my friends behind and never seen them again. if only i did what i planed out of high school i would have been just fine but i just had to meet great people.

the sounds of love

This isn't about love or anything

There is something about sounds that when you hear them you just hear it nonstop and gives you the memories of past and things you wish you could. for instance the sound of the ball hitting a wood bat is describable. but when it hits you can instantly know if it will be a base hit or a foul ball. even though the professionals sound a lot different you can instantly tell if it was solid or not. another would be in bowling, when the ball hits the pocket the silence becomes a loud thundering sound but if you miss it just sounds like hammers fall over one at a time. and just sounds ugly.

the one sound that i wish i could make every day would be the sound of a skateboard landing a massive trick. as soon as the wheels touch down a short but meaningful sound belches out. as soon as i hear it i think about how long and how much time they worked to just try that trick, also how much pain they went through just to land one simple trick. and yet i will never know the feeling.

my thoughts

i have felt pain
to a fractured toe
to a messed up brian
to feel the love
but yet see the thier faith
im lost in the sea
the sea of their praise.
see i know no religion
but yet not atheist
when i die
i just want to fly
but when you look into my eyes
you just see another hurt soul
from the hatred of many
i will help the broken
see when i look at religion
i seek but the words of nothing
cause when i listen
i dont hear anything
when i go social
i put on a smile
seeking help
one friend feels my pain
as others see joyfulness
i still feel loneliness
to say this is original
i would lie
cause when i heard I hate Religion, but love Jesus
i felt like i should tell my side.

thoughts on my mind

I have seen the movie seven pounds multiple times and every time i always get the thought why am i put on this earth. i know that some people would say "to spread the word of the lord," but i dont think that way. Every day i wake up as if i have something to do with my life but i dont. I see my friends, or people that kind of talk to me, in pain and nothing i can do, but for some reason i see in their eyes that they deserve to be on this world more than i do but they have that one problem that could change their life in one second. for some reason i always think that im put on this world to help people, and if some one said that i need help  i will in a heart beat, and if i see someone getting beat up and everyone is watching and doing nothing i will risk my life just to save his. as my life goes on i slowly lose the fear of death the more and more i live and someone is hurting the more i want to meet death. and as i see people have fun with everyone playing a game and as i start to see hatred the more i feel alone and soon walk off to the apartment i call home.

see in this world i see two kinds of people, people that want to show off and the people that let them show off and try their hardest just to be apart of the team. but soon that person is gone and that show off has nothing to show.

i wont lie i think of death every day but will it happen no one knows but me and as i use the same fake smile i always feel lonely and mainly i will tell the tails of the road to loneliness. keep smiling

four years of hell

people dont get how much i hated high school, especailly my brother. i was never cool like him, i didnt like to talk to everyone in my class. after eighth grade everything changed with friends and every person i knew. people became dicks and the hatred in my heart became heavier and heavier as a i tried to lift what my brother did before and as i tried to earn my name and to show im nothing like him. but as freshmen year started i started to become depress and everything became harder. if people knew me, they knew me as little renze. see i hated that just because the only reason why people talked to me was to see how jarid is doing and what he liked. the feeling of being used to get to someone else made me want to be unknown for the rest of my life, i just wanted to do nothing. as sophomore year started i quickly learned that nothing has changed and earned everything just to be shot down. to feel respect quickly ran out of my mind. My brother always asks me hey do you know this one dude that knew my friends, and i always say no, but he always comes back with yeah you do he was just a year older than you. still if he is still a year older i would have had to talk to him and that never happened.