some say its jelousy. i call it depression

every time I'm around my older brother or at the fields. to see his image on the field i visit most of the weekend lowers my chin to the ground. to hear his walk up song and everyone cheering for him as he steps in the box gives me chills that run through my whole body. then hearing the sound of the ball hit the bat and the crowd screams to the top of their lunges as i space off dreaming about times where i could have but then realize that i never did. and as my dreams fall apart his begins and never ends and i will still support him but will never forget my torturous past.